Man flu at Christmas

There’s no doubt now, I have full blown man flu

There’s no doubt now, I have full blown man flu. My gums and eyeballs ache and I awake at 3am with a mouth as dry as a vulture’s crotch.

I sound like that famous Russian aviator Dimitri Chestikov.

Price: Out of stock

Despite my obvious distress Mrs Christmas is delegating various Countdown to Christmas tasks;

No.17 – troubleshoot and fix inefficient vacuum cleaner.

I suspect her sympathies are wearing thin. I think she’s plotting to leave me outside the tipi for the jackals and the wolves when the snows come in earnest.

I’m banished to the sickbay in the east wing of Lovegrove Towers and there’s a subtext to every question.

“How are you feeling?” translates as “Don’t you dare give it to me. Remember I’m out with the girls tomorrow.”

“Have you taken anything for it lately?” translates as “You’re really beginning to annoy me now.”

I clear the vacuum cleaner hose using a kebab skewer and out falls a glittery fur ball containing a the remains of some plastic snowballs, twine, and several pieces of bark.

I make it back to the sofa before collapsing. Just as I’m reaching for a walnut Mrs Christmas, having spotted something amiss upstairs, calls like an angel from above, “Ben. Can you hear me? OI, DEAFY!”

Send lemons, honey, and more whiskey.

iCloud Calendar

How to stop iCloud Calendar Spam

Do you wonder what goes through the minds of spammers?  No, me neither. All I was interested in earlier this week was how to stop iCloud Calendar spam.

The latest hooks to arrive unwanted on my mobile devices are multiple invites in my calendar for fake RayBan sunglasses.   They contain a mixture of Chinese and English characters and the purpose is obvious – click on these links and buy something.

These arrived a few weeks after my mobile phone had received over 80 spam text messages from China in the space of about 15 minutes one Sunday morning.  A couple of days later I was surprised to receive a call from my mobile provider to assure me that any charges incurred would be refunded.

However, I had to check my next bill and remind them of that fact as the refund didn’t occur automatically, but they didn’t quibble and the refund was immediate.

Anyway, back to the iCloud calendar spam.  Whatever you do, don’t respond to the invite in your calendar in any way.  This is the equivalent of clicking on the links in spam emails and simply acknowledges to the spammer that your account is active.  It will only encourage more spam.

How to delete any spam already in your calendar

  • Tap Calendars in the bottom menu bar
  • In the pop-up that appears, tap Edit, top left
  • Now tap Add Calendar
  • Give your new Calendar a name e.g. Spam
  • Tap Done x 3 to back out of the settings area
  • Now select the spam event in your calendar and move it to the new calendar
  • The events will probably be linked so you won’t have to move each one individually.
  • Move all sequences to the new calendar
  • Now go back into the settings and delete that new calendar

Shut off In-app Notifications in iCloud Calendar

  • Log in to your account
  • Click on the Calendar icon
  • Click on the gear icon in the bottom left corner
  • Click on Preferences in the pop-up
  • Click on the Advance tab
  • By default, in the Invitations section, you should see the In-app Notifications selected
  • Select the email option instead
  • Save and close

Now, any event notifications should arrive by email. Your email spam filter should be able to remove these before they even reach you.

Got any additional tips or comments on the above?  Please share them below.